How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
How do you know if you’re in a toxic relationship? Here are some examples of behavior that is common in toxic relationships and is an indication that the relationship is not a healthy one.
Common Toxic Relationship Behavior
1) Your partner likes to control you. They turn up unexpectedly or regularly quiz you about your whereabouts.
2) They say that they love you, but their actions tell a different story.
3) Your partner undermines your confidence by putting you down in front of other people.
4) Your partner strives to make you dependent upon them.
5) You always give in to them, fit in with what they want, change yourself for them.
6) Your partner is verbally or physically abusive.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, you are likely to be unhappy. If you’ve been in it for a long time, you probably have poor self-esteem and no self-confidence. This is often why people in these relationships find it difficult to take action to leave their partner. They are caught in a repeating cycle. To start with, everything is fine and the relationship seems to be working really well. This is the “honeymoon” period. Then, gradually things start to change between the couple and at some point there will be a clash or an argument of some sort, which is followed by a reconciliation. This leads to another “honeymoon” period which starts the cycle once again. It really is a rollercoaster ride.
Sometimes people get into such situations because they grew up in one. They repeat what they experienced in childhood thinking that all relationships are like that. Other people may just not know any better, whilst others perhaps enjoy the conflict and the drama. There are other people who just don’t believe that they deserve to be happy and a toxic relationship can re-enforce this belief. The dominant partner often makes their partner believe that all the bad things that happen in the relationship is their fault.
Free Yourself From Toxic Relationships
So what can you do about it? The first step is to realize that you have a choice. You don’t have to stay. If you choose to stay, you must be prepared to stand up for yourself. You probably believe that everything is your fault. It is not. Unless you shake off this notion, you won’t have the confidence to change things for the better. You need to be strong enough to set new guidelines, that you as a couple will follow, or to walk away.
Some people find that therapy or counseling can help to re-define the parameters of a relationship. Naturally, the ‘controller’ in such a relationship may be reluctant to have their hold adjusted by an outsider, but if they sincerely want to continue the relationship, they may be willing. Relationships can be adjusted. Some people decide that the relationship is not worth saving and find the strength to walk away. However, some do manage to repair the relationship and form a healthy, happy partnership. Often, outside help is needed to achieve this and a good alternative to counseling is to buy a book. Reading book reviews can help you to choose appropriately. Many of these books give a step-by-step guide on how to re-adjust your relationship and many eBooks, in particular, offer email support, often from people who have counseling experience.
As a victim, the first step is to insist that things change. Make it clear that, if they don’t, you’re going to walk away. You then have to make it clear exactly what you want from the relationship. You want equality. You want respect and you want to be on an equal footing. You are no longer going to be humiliated or controlled. You want love and support and you want your opinion to be listened to and considered. If your partner is not willing to make an effort to give you those things, you must be ready to end the relationship.
A poisonous or unhealthy relationship is a one-way street, with everything working against you. In order for you to turn things around, you must make sure that communication, support and real affection travels both ways. Do not put up with toxic relationships, you deserve better than this.
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March 5th, 2009 at 7:46 am
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