Sylvia’s boyfriend Barry has been slapping her about, but he only does it when he is angry! She has been trying to find ways to not ‘make’ him angry because he says that if she didn’t make him angry, he wouldn’t hit her.

Sylvia also says that she loves her boyfriend because a lot of the time he is loving and caring and she wants to be with him and he is only violent when angry. Barry says that he also loves Sylvia and wants to marry her.

What is wrong with this scenario? – Well, quite a lot!

  • It seems Sylvia’s boyfriend will take no responsibility for his own thoughts and actions and he implies that what he does is within Sylvia’s control.
  • If that really was the case Barry wouldn’t be hitting Sylvia, because actually she doesn’t want that to happen, but he is hurting her and more frequently than Sylvia would care to admit, so she isn’t managing to control Barry’s behavior very well by tryng not to ‘make’ him angry.
  • Sylvia is clearly scared of Barry because he hurts her and therefore she cannot trust him to have her welfare at heart.
  • Sylvia is developing a very unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend but seeing it a normal, except for the fact that her boyfriend beats her.
  • Barry feels that it is OK to make his girlfriend afraid of him by inflicting pain on her, thereby controlling her life within their relationship. He is confusing this behavior with ‘loving’ someone.

Could you imagine bringing children into this type of relationship? What sort of life would they have with these two people as their guardians. A lot of people unfortunately do; they have a baby to ‘make their relationship better’, but of course it just puts more strain on an already tense situation and the woman and the children usually bear the brunt of the suffering.

This type of relationship is described very accurately as ‘toxic’ and co-dependent’ and always needs an enormous amount of expert help to salvage. It never changes of its own accord. Seldom can one partner help the other in this situation.

MY name is Sarah Richmond, my area of expertise and interest is relationship rescue which includes psychology. If your can relate to this article or it made you feel at all uncomfortable about your own relationship, please visit my dedicated website for more free relationship advice and information on a variety of topics for men and women in relationships: http://savemyrelationshiprules.com/couples-fight.php

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